I am a young, single, childless man.
That is me.
And I am in attracted to a beautiful, amazing woman of my age who has a little girl who calls her mama. I am no daddy material but I am prepared to try because I love this woman. The biological father to this child is an immature spoilt brat, who has two other kids.
I have not told this woman how I feel about her though, reason being my best friend has made it difficult for me to imagine a future with her. I told him of my plan to make my intentions known to this woman before my fear of women hindered me. But the response he gave me did not help in any way.
“She is a mother,” he said to me.
I saw no problem with that, until he insisted that women with children were not meant for single men like myself. I thought he was being silly and I presented my case to the second in command when it comes to helping me make big decisions. But her response left me even more gutted, her sentiments similar to those of my best friend.
It was “a horrible fantasy” to want a future with a single mother and I had to be “cleansed” of my “bad thoughts”.
“Just be friends if you like her that much” she said.
I am the son of a single mother
As I started eavesdropping on conversations and creating fact-finding conversations on dating single mothers, I discovered the bulk of opinion mongers in society do not approve of single men dating single mothers . I started reminiscing to my childhood days. You see, I am a son to a single mother who gave birth to me when she was 20 years old. She is beautiful, and I reckon many guys took a second look all through her twenties. I am 23 now, and she has not married yet. So I wonder if for the past 23 years, men have been looking past her because of me, just as my friends have advised that I do with the woman I am in love with.
If that is the case, what did I do to my mother that makes her so undesirable? Was my birth the sin that caused my mother to be deprived of a significant other? Considering that men are still instructed to find ‘pure’ women, are we saying that single mothers have no right to find love?
Single mothers deserve love
I believe single mothers deserve a chance in love and life as long as there are partners who are willing to take the responsibility of fathering their children. I frankly do not understand why society dissuades willing men from loving these women. The irony in all of is that even other women do not approve of this as well. African culture emphasises the upkeep of extended family so I reckon it cannot be a cultural hurdle.
How come society does not treat single fathers with such stigma? What is the difference between a single mother and a single father? Just as men who invite children fathered out of marriage to be part of their big and ‘happy’ families, let us allow men to love the women they want to love.
Sadly, in the end, my love for a single mom has turned into something that looks like infatuation because society has me thinking she is unworthy.
This article has been edited from its original format, first published at https://bhekincube.wordpress.com/2015/08/26/infatuated-with-a-single-mother/
Main image taken from atlantablackstar.com