I have been asked a lot of questions I haven’t had answers to lately, mostly because I haven’t the foggiest about what the future holds. Dealing with it has been quite an emotional cocktail; from helplessness, anger, desperation and yup, even denial.
A friend of mine seems to be a lot of what I want to be career wise, from the outside it looks like a charmed life. To be honest if I didn’t know and adore her, I promise you even my guts would be green with envy because see, it’s easy to covert; it is easy to want something that isn’t yours and it is so bloody easy to hate someone because they have managed to get somewhere you haven’t and aren’t.
Now, it has finally made sense to me … envy is far from wishing you were there; rather it’s a distraction from getting there. Think about it… how often does that acid feeling ever focus on the ‘real’ “how’s” of where the said person is?
And instead, how often does it focus on ridicule and over the top assumptions? If only we took time to learn from each other, there would be more peace, love and understanding.
On the real though, when I stopped begrudging my friend’s milestones I actually started learning something. I opened myself to being taught a few things on getting where I am supposed to be. I even learnt from her mistakes, from her challenges, from her life behind the velvety stage curtains. I’m talking about real life problems, people!
And then it hit me again, an epiphany about those people who seem to have all their ducks in a row. Consider this for a moment… you’re in a dead end job in the midst of a collapsed economy staying with your mum and on the verge of turning 30. BUT wait, you might have the basics, a family that loves you, friend(s) that have your back … actual talent and good functioning organs (considering the weekly doses of cheap liquor your liver has to deal with!).
What if in the midst of a so-called glamorous life, family or career the person you envy most is dealing with some really difficult stuff like a chronic diseases, a lifetimes of abuse, self-hatred, psychological instability, a dying parent, a dying child, one meal a day. What if? What if the very thing you envy about that one person is the only silver lining they have?
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